In truth, thus far in the life the biggest drawbacks to my planning obsession have been annoying Jason (which surely is character-building for him) and getting annoyed myself when things don't go according to plan -- both fairly minor.
Foster care has turned all of that upside down! From day one we've known that we could get a call to welcome a child at any moment, but slowly we've realized that more likely than not they come on Thursdays (no idea why). And of course, each child's identity has been completely unknown, but leading up to M we've had five boys, four of whom were within a year of Charlie's age. And what about the indeterminate durations? Oh, we've had arrival and departure dates for everyone but C, because they have been respite.
So this world of unknowns has actually been fairly predictable or at least manageable until M. Yes, the call was still on Thursday (so odd!), but first of all she is not only a "she," but also 17 years old -- very different. Next, we've had three appointments at MUSC (one a computer mistake), five trips to the pharmacy and two unplanned visits by DSS, all the while expecting any day to be "the day" M gets to go home.
The little we do know is that there was a meeting of all her various caseworkers at 9:30 this morning, and another meeting (players unknown) at noon. The next step should be for M to meet with her foster mom to discuss any unresolved concerns, anger, fear, etc, in preparation for reconciliation. Theoretically all of these meetings were supposed to occur on Monday, so while we are hanging out around home in case we get the call, I don't think M is any more optimistic than I am -- and with tomorrow being Friday, I have to wonder if she's going to have to wait until next week...
If that's the case, Jason will get to make an unplanned trip to Best Buy with M and help her buy a computer, printer, tablet, etc (whatever package they pick), with the $1500 provided her by DSS. I love that they provide these resources for kids in foster care, but don't envy the pressure on Jason in helping a girl he's known less than a week make such a specific and long-term decision.
I honestly thought I was rolling with all these uncertainties fairly well until yesterday afternoon. Finally allowed to walk around a bit without my boot (and coordinating 3" flip flop), I have spent the past 24 hours realizing how horrifically dirty my floors are. Obviously, floor cleanliness falls at the bottom of "important" concerns, but when while trying to see the grit I felt on travertine tile I noticed the pink ook on the shower tile, and realized that two weeks in a boot means two weeks of sludge and sand and mess on every surface in the house (two weeks of being at home at least twice as much as normal), I finally felt the weight of all the unknown and unforeseen and uncontrollable.
I plan to strap my boot back on and get the house vacuumed as soon as I successfully coerce Jason into bathing the sandy dog and scrubbing the grungy bathrooms, so we will once again take control of the little bits that we can. And I guess I'll just have to let go of the rest. It's truly humbling to realize how much work God is doing on me through all of this.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
and He will make your paths straight.
(Proverbs 3:5-6)
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