Moment of Grace

Whether it was the one-on-one time with either Jason or me last night, good night rests, the shared responsibility of cleaning the playroom, the shared torture of now being responsible for cleaning the toilets (I refuse to do that for two six year olds who have no aim!) or maybe just tremendous grace from God since I am flying solo this morning and have a birthday party to take them to this afternoon, I don't know but the boys are getting along!

They've made their beds, each cleaned a toilet and are slowly wading through the playroom category by category (costumes, tools, nerf darts, duplos, vehicles, weapons...).

I'm not feeling confident enough to actually go take a shower...but I have been shopping for campers on craigslist which is my favorite hobby (no, we have no intention of upgrading, but they're so fun to look at!).  And I've been alone in the study with my cup of tea!  For over twenty minutes!  And  my toilets are all clean!

I needed today.  They needed today.  And Jason needed for us to have had today when he gets home later.

"The Lord bless you and keep you;

the Lord make His face to shine upon you and be gracious to you;

the Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace."

(Numbers 6:24-26)

So...ten minutes ago when I started looking for a Bible verse relations took a decided turn for the worse.  Since then I have confiscated three nerf guns and a halloween pumpkin full of nerf darts, a play canteen full of real water and a crayon on a string.  The boys are still cleaning the playroom, but until it is complete they are not allowed to speak to one another.  Sigh... at least it's still quiet.

Bright Spots

Charlie has stayed on "Green" at school for two days in a row now -- which hasn't happened since long before C came to stay.

I don't know if it's due to a generous dose of mercy on the part of Mrs Babb or if he's starting to put it all together and recognize the impact of disruptive behavior on the people around him, but it was exactly the news I needed.

In other positive news, both Mrs Babb and I got the Vanderbuilt forms faxed over to MUSC to start C's IEP process.  He, however, had another very rough day -- but she didn't seem quite as overwhelmed by it, which is a blessing.

"I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."

(Philippians 3:14)

Truth?

We're really not sure what to believe in all this.  It's not that it seems that anyone is lying per se, but we are finding that all of the different agencies and services and organizations that have input into C's life have differing opinions and at times agendas -- ranging from the character of his Dad, what happened before foster care, the environment of his last foster home, why his meds were increased monthly last fall, his intelligence, his routine, his potential...everything.

We find ourselves in the position of making decisions for a little boy whom we barely know, who ranges from sweet and silly to defensive and whiny to manic and frantic.  As expected, time of day plays a huge role in this, but not conclusively.  After an extremely frustrating day for his teacher and my mom (she had to watch the boys so Jason and I could attend our annual mandatory medication & behavior training last night), I find myself wondering if the good day on Wednesday even happened.

And of course, last night's training reminded us that from a "behavior intervention" perspective, we are doing absolutely everything wrong...  In truth, it was a good reminder of methods and strategies to use, but it was disheartening to feel like we've likely only been making things worse for both boys the past two weeks.

I am holding out hope that today will be a better day.  Charlie stayed on green all day yesterday, and while Mrs Babb is concerned that he has recently started daydreaming and fallen very behind in his work, we had a good talk about it and I am optimistic that he'll use the time she's set aside for him today to catch up.  C had a good day Wednesday, so I just have to hope that it will happen again...plus after yesterday Mr Philpot pulled him aside and explained to him his responsibility for his own actions and words, and that despite the fact that everyone is on his side and wants him to succeed, he ultimately has to choose to do so.

I have to hold onto these hopes or the walk into the office at 10:00 will feel more like walking the plank.

This evening I'm going to drop C off with Jason for a boy's night dinner and Charlie and I are going to a pre-scheduled playdate.  They are each jealous of the other's plans, but that seems normal.  I am hoping that the bit of a break this evening will help me power through tomorrow while Jason is fishing...that and the prospect of a birthday party for a school friend -- that will be filled with supportive, loving adults who know us, know C and want us all to succeed.

It's funny...we are clearly surrounded - on one side by "experts" who advise and instruct and on the other by friends who love and protect. Interesting that only one side seems to truly be on C's (and therefore, Jason's, Charlie's and my) side.

"Two are better than one, because they have good reward for their toil.  

For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow.  

But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!"

(Ecclesiastes 4:9-10)

Plain & Simple

By yesterday evening, I wondered if all of our efforts at the school were for naught.  C refused to participate in any of the lessons Mrs Babb tried with him as part of the group or individually and failed to follow classroom rules.  Then in Spanish, he did the same for me.  Plus, he and Charlie both got in trouble for talking during class and kicking each other during lunch.

Amazingly while Charlie managed to passed his piano song C had a great reading lesson, and  -- even sounding out a few short words.  All three of us were thrilled with these accomplishments, leaving me wondering if our efforts were better concentrated at home -- maybe having C at JICS was going to be too much for everyone involved.

After a few tears (mostly mine) I explained it to C as clearly as I could -- if he doesn't follow directions and participate in class, he can't stay there.  He doesn't have to know the answers, but he has to try or ask for help.  And I instructed him to replace his default, "I don't know" which he repeats over and over in increasing volume and shrillness with a simple, "Please help me."

I also explained to Charlie that even though he has been at JICS for a year and a half, he, too, could find himself kicked out if his conduct doesn't improve -- getting written up every single day means that his behavior is unacceptable and not going unnoticed!

As I dropped them both off at school this morning, my hopes weren't very high.  We had reiterated the simple truth time and again through the evening and morning and found every possible chance to compliment C for trying and Charlie for behaving, but my expectations were still pretty low.

So I am thrilled to report that while both got warnings for talking in line before lunch, neither lost any minutes and according to Mrs Babb, "C had a much better day."  She didn't say whether or not he actually did any work...but I'm going to just take it at face value.

Our goal right now is for an equally good Thursday (Team 1 is leading chapel in the morning, so their classroom time should be shorter than usual), and while I may be getting ahead of myself, I am really hoping that with enough preparation C can get a couple right on his Spelling Test on Friday.

Of course, those are our goals.  We have our first meeting with DSS in an hour...no telling what her goals for us may be...

"Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast,immovable, 

always abounding in the work of the Lord,

knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain."

(I Corinthians 15:58)

Once a Lion...

...always a Lion!

C gets to stay at JICS!  I had such mixed feelings before it was final, that I am surprised at the peace I feel now.

If I'm honest with myself, I never truly doubted that JICS was the best place for C, but I wasn't sure that his special needs wouldn't be too much for the class.  Part of me was feeling a need to protect Charlie and try to get him "a break" from our new life (after all, Jason and I get a break while we're at work), and as an astute friend pointed out, part of me was trying to protect his teacher.

It's so much more complicated than just the school our foster child will attend.  It's the class our biological child (who is struggling with this) is in, and the teacher is a friend of mine.   We love C, but he is hard.

Thankfully, God has had it all worked out all along.  C's records finally came through from his three previous schools!  Mrs Babb was back to do his assessment.  And most importantly, C feels a bit more at ease in his new world.

Based on everything Mrs Babb and Mr Schwartz decided to "foster" C.  His records clearly showed a bright but troubled boy who should never have been promoted from K5 last spring, so first grade has been much more than he could handle.  Over the next three months, they, along with Coach Townsend are going to pour into C -- not with the expectation of bringing him all the way up to grade level, but with the desire to close the gap as much as possible in the time we have.

Mrs Babb will identify his areas of particular need, and Coach Townsend will pull him out to give him one on one attention for those areas -- freeing up Mrs Babb to continue her routine with the rest of the class.  We all believe that C's struggles are due more to lack of trust and defiance than to inability, so as long as he can learn to trust us, and more importantly, learn to control his defiant heart, he can stay.

Jason and I were quietly at odds over this until the decision came down yesterday. Jason believed all along that JICS is the best place for C, but I was allowing selfishness to put my own desires and friendships ahead of C's best interest.  I am so incredibly grateful to work for a school that sees C's need and is committed to using the resources we have to help him.  Seeing the truth of that makes me realize that I underestimated everyone and gives me great peace in the decision.

Now that that is decided, I just need to find a dentist that accepts Medicaid, arrange for counseling, coordinate visitations and keep Charlie from drowning in all of this.  Or rather, I need to take a deep breath and let God do it...

"For it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure."

Philippians 2:13

Real

This is an email I just sent to mom to fill her in and give my opinion to her wondering what exactly Jesus meant when He told us to care for the widows and orphans.

It's pretty raw, but honest.  The honeymoon period may be ending already... it is definitely easier to believe in giving our lives to Christ than actually doing it.

I believe that Jesus meant that widows and orphans need homes -- safe, clean, Christ-filled homes.  Part of me would love to believe that he meant for us to send checks or walk to raise money or support institutions...but I think the bottom line is that to truly care for them, we have to love them -- love them as much as ourselves.  

It is terribly hard, and C had an especially frantic morning today.  I feel guilty sending him to school.  I'm hopeful that his medicine will kick in and he'll be able to maintain.  

Jason reached his breaking point yesterday afternoon, and God graciously pulled me back from the edge to be the calm one.    As hard as it is, I also think that Charlie seeing C at his worst, shows him there is a great need and a great difference.  I am hoping that it will help him step into a compassionate, caretaker role of "older" brother -- even though they are almost exactly the same age.  I think that would be good for him -- and possibly the only way we'll all keep our sanity.

It is very hard to believe in something so strongly and at the same time want to go back to our easy life.  I can honestly say, though, this whole experience has transformed our family's prayer life, dependence on God and awareness of our weakness.  It's truly life-changing.  I guess it's what James was talking about -- in those verses that sound so good until you live them.

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.  And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."

(James 1:2-4)

Why?

God is faithful.  I know that, but I am always so very grateful when He blatantly reminds me.

This morning before church we read to Charlie and C the story of the Last Supper from our Jesus Storybook Bible, and C volunteered a couple of questions about why Jesus would choose to die and what tearing the bread had to do with that.

Later this morning at church a teenage boy was baptized, and C offered up many, many more questions, referencing "the God who made us" and "the devil" and more -- so many that Jason was concerned that the people around us might be annoyed.  I just plowed ahead though, trusting that pouring out the truth of Jesus' death and resurrection as represented by a believer's baptism was reason enough to ruffle a few feathers.

Finally, during communion, C wondered "is that really bread" and "is Jesus still dead," opening the door for me to tie back to our morning story and the baptism.

Now, we have certainly not seen a fruitful harvest this afternoon (in either of the boys), but this week has given us the opportunity to plant seed after seed after seed after seed (in both boys).  It has been grueling, back-breaking and emotional work, but we believe that there will one day be a harvest, whether in our time with C or even in our lifetime, we do not know.

At the start of church (as we were trying to quiet and settle and referee two strong-willed, disgruntled, six-year old boys) Jason mentioned that he has had many people ask why we would do this -- why would mess up the perfect little family the three of us had -- and my first reaction was to wonder the same.  God was faithful (and swift) to show me exactly why He told us to do this -- to plant seeds.  He will take care of the rest.

"And let us not grow weary of doing good, 

for in due season we will reap, 

if we do not give up."

(Galatians 6:9)

"I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth.  

So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, 

but only God who gives the growth."

(I Corinthians 3:6)

Worst Case Scenario

At foster parent training we watched a bunch of horrible videos to prepare us for what foster children have been and continue to go through -- why they need the love and consistency and prayers that they do...even if it's only until they go back home to where it all started.

Then during our respite stints we never received many details about the boys' pasts.  We would get answers to our specific questions, but information seems to be on a "need to know" basis, and as we only had the boys from two to seven days each, we really didn't need to know much.

But now that we have C and he should be here at least 3 months, there is a lot we need to know.  To start with, we just found out yesterday that the name on his Medicaid card, prescriptions, etc, isn't the same as the name on his birth certificate, and neither matches the name the previous foster parents wrote on his logs...but that's just the beginning.

Until today, the only thing we knew about his parents was that his mom is out of the picture and his dad has anger issues.  We knew nothing about his life up until a year ago.  We didn't know what his current relationship is with his father or whether or not his father is following the court's plan to get him back.  I learned a lot today, though, and it's worse than I would have imagined -- forcing me to look at C and be absolutely amazed at his abilities and socialization -- and survival.

Back to the beginning, C is really missing his previous foster mom, the only mother he's ever known, so she agreed to meet us for lunch for a visit.  Since he and Charlie are definitely struggling to get along, I took C up to Chuck E Cheese and Jason took Charlie to run errands and go to the Middle School basketball games -- we're counting on absence making the hearts grow fonder.

Before C's previous mom arrived at Chuck E Cheese, our DSS caseworker finally called.  I got some information from her about C's dad's current involvement and their visits -- all of which sounded positive.  I also learned that he was approved for extra resources at his previous school right before Christmas, which would have been good to know before we introduced him to JICS.  Not to say that the school absolutely doesn't have the resources, but as small as we are, I'm not sure how it would work.

When C's previous foster mom did arrive, I peppered her with questions while C was off feeding tokens into machines.  According to her, he has only seen his dad twice in the past year, but he seems like a "nice" man.  And if that wasn't tragic enough, I also heard C's whole, long foster care story.

To keep this vague is difficult, but the general sense is that mom and dad met under undesirable circumstances, dad didn't find out about C until he was three years old, two years after C had been found wandering a parking lot and removed from mom's care.  During his three to four years in dad's care, C has been removed three times, including the last time a year ago yesterday.

In his almost seven years, this poor child has never known stability or consistency or safety or peace.

Charlie's struggle with this whole situation is real and intense right now, so much so that I've had many moments of wondering if the whole thing is causing too much stress and turmoil for him for us to proceed.  At the same time, one of our primary purposes in fostering is that we don't believe growing up as an only child is the best thing for him.  We believe he needs to share, compromise, get along, etc.

But what has become shamefully clear to me this week is that I got into foster care for me, my son, my household, my purposes.  While I thought about the children and their needs and God's commands, it was always in the sense of our family overcoming their tragedy and heroically serving God and everyone living happily ever after.

Now I see that this isn't about us, not about the changes and sacrifices we have to make over the next three months or lifetime (who's to say?), not about the maturing and learning and growing we'll do through the "experience," not even about the check on our list of ways we have obeyed God.

This is about a little boy who has never had one day of the security that Jason, Charlie and I have had our entire lives.  About him and the thousands of other children out there who have similar histories and uncertain futures in which they will likely be back and forth, in and out of biological parents', grandparents', friends' and foster families' homes until they age out at 18, surviving unthinkable abuse, uncertainty and loss.

I want to be able to write that this opening of my eyes has left me motivated and prepared to dedicate my life to C and countless future children to love and protect as God sees fit, but honestly, I'm daunted at the prospect of 11 more weeks and terrified by the real possibility that it could stretch far beyond.

While I believe in foster car with all my heart, but I am not yet the strong, maternal, loving, solid foster mom that I imagined being, and I don't know if I ever will be.  At this point, I really want to want to be...

"It is the Lord who goes before you.  

He will be with you; 

He will not leave you or forsake you.  

Do not fear or be dismayed."

(Deuteronomy 31:8)

Honeymoon

Our appointment at MUSC could not have gone better this morning.  C's nurse practitioner spent 45 minutes with me discussing his history and what we have seen in the past 6 days.

Our experiences of his improvement in manners, willingness to try when encouraged and overall manageability were quite a surprise to her.  She warned that it is likely that we're experiencing a honeymoon phase, and that his behavior will deteriorate significantly once he gets comfortable with us.  I get a similar vibe from his Bair caseworker, as well.

I am trying to keep that in mind, but find it hard to believe that barring a significant event, he would so significantly alter his behavior, but I am new to all of this.  I am hopeful that a relatively calm home and our expectation that 6 year old boys act like 6 year old boys may help keep him on a positive path.

When I mentioned that we've received feedback from a couple of people that C appears like he might be over-medicated at times, she listened, but definitely seemed to put up her guard -- I think I may have given her the impression that I am completely anti-medicine.  I reassured her that we definitely are not looking to make any changes right now while he's adjusting, but wanted her to know what we've been told.  I'm not sure if she completely believed me or not, but we'll see.

She also had concerns that the Lowcountry Biblical Counseling Center may not be able to offer the specific trauma counseling they want him to have.  I definitely heard her, but I am going to pursue the LCBCC for counseling unless they believe they cannot help or I am told by DSS that I cannot.  I truly believe that their trained counselors are able to help C deal with whatever he's been through Biblically -- after all, the Bible was written by God and no one knows better than him what C has been through and what he needs.

We made it back to school in time to see Charlie take second place in the Spirit Week cherry/whip cream competition, which was such a blessing.  He is definitely struggling with the long term aspect of C's stay.  When they are getting along he tries so hard to assure us that he loves it and this is what he wants, but when they are at odds, his feelings of frustration and dislike for the change come out.  We still believe that this is the best possible thing for our dear, sweet, selfish only child -- but these aren't going to be easy lessons to learn.

Tonight we celebrate Jason's 39th birthday with no card (oops!) and gifts the boys picked out at Big Lots (hah!) but with more meatballs than we could possibly eat (161!) and homemade (from a box...) angel food cake & custard...as a family of four.  It's going to be great!

"I waited patiently for the Lord; 

and He inclined to me and heard my cry.

He brought me up out of the pit of destruction, out of miry clay,

and He set my feet upon a rock,

making my footsteps firm"

(Psalm 40:1-2)

Quick Update

Well, C got in trouble for talking at school today -- which is great!  Don't get me wrong, we'll work on that, but he's engaging with the other students.  Michelle moved him to a seat in the front, center next to a very responsible, well-behaved student (not Charlie) and he is doing better.

The current status is that he will continue to shadow into next week when Mrs Babb comes back.  Since he'll have had a few days to acclimate, we're hopeful that when she does an official assessment at that time, it will be a much better gauge of his ability.

Also, we have an appointment at the MUSC foster care clinic tomorrow morning to get to know them and discuss his medication and history, which should be very interesting.

We still have not heard anything from his actual DSS caseworker (all of our information is from his Bair caseworker), but hope to get more history from her as well...eventually.

Every day is a little easier, but two strong-willed, six year old, only children is quite an experience.  God has truly been granting me with a peace and patience that I've never known...until about 6:45 in the evening.  Thankfully Jason takes the lead for the last bit of the day and bedtime.

Equally exciting, I slept all the way to 5:20 this morning -- two hours later than Tuesday and an hour later than yesterday!  C has slept in until we've woken him up, but my mind has been racing from the wee hours every morning, and I think Charlie's may have, too.  He's been up soon after 6:00 each morning and has come out to sit with me on the couch while I read my Bible.  I'm not sure if it's anxiety or just a desire for some one on one time, but am hopeful that it's the second.

To add excitement to an otherwise uneventful day (who wants one of those this week!), George managed to scratch his eye fairly seriously.  Thanks to my mom who was able to meet me at the vet this morning before work and then pick up his prescription, he's on pain medicine and an antibiotic of some sort.  I guess we needed a bit of drama in our waiting...

"But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; 

they shall mount up with wings like eagles;

they shall run and not be weary;

they shall walk and not faint."

(Isaiah 40:31)

Learning about Learning

So far C is behaving well, but he is even farther behind than we had thought.

We have decided to pursue and Individualized Education Program (IEP) for him through the County whatever school he goes to, so he has that to take back to his "home" school one day.  Apparently the process is lengthy and complicated, so we'd like to arm him with those resources in his permanent file, so that whatever school he goes to will respond to his needs regardless of the level of parent involvement.

Mrs Babb is concerned that he would become extremely frustrated in her K5/1st grade class here at JICS...and is detecting strong defiance in not wanting to do the work nearly as much as inability to do the work.
Michelle is concerned that he might fall through the cracks in public school should he not qualify for the IEP or Special Education.
The receptionist at the MUSC Foster Clinic who clearly knows him well, didn't make a recommendation, but subtly brought up the idea of pushing him back to K4.

Jason and I are thoroughly confused.

June is going to allow C to shadow a second day tomorrow.  Mrs Townsend will be subbing for Mrs Babb's class, so she'll have the day to evaluate him.

I think I am realizing that willingness to learn is equally important to aptitude, that unwillingness to learn makes you unteachable, and that despite believing that I had no idea what was going to happen today, I truly believed that it was going to work out for C here at JICS -- and now I'm completely at a loss as to how to best serve him.

I think I need to remember that no decision we make today is permanent, that the best use of my 3 months is to prepare him for whatever is next, not necessarily to find a perfect solution, and that God knows exactly what is going to happen and has since before Day One.

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

(Ephesians 2:10)

Drama

Aaaaaack!

Jason got to the pharmacy and they refused to fill the prescription without talking to a doctor first, because of the level!  I understand this, but we dropped it off 4 hours ago!  I can't believe they didn't call me.

Thankfully the MUSC on call doctors returned the pharmacists call (after Jason spent about 40 minutes at the grocery store on a Monday night), and we got the meds!

C gets to shadow tomorrow -- which turned out to be a bigger deal than it sounds like, because Mrs Babb will be out the rest of the week after tomorrow!

Such Relief!  Now finally dinner then bed!

Checking Boxes

Today we focused on getting through our "to-do" list -- and it's gone amazingly well.

1 - Get C's medication sorted out.  After witnessing first-hand the difference in days he has had his medication and hasn't, I knew that it was critical that C not start school without it.

• First thing this morning I tried to contact his caseworker - she was on a call.  
• Next I tried to contact the Foster Care Clinic -- they are closed today. 
• Finally I called the MUSC on-call line.  Minutes later, a wonderful doctor called me back, listened to my story and reviewed C's chart.  Then he apologized and told me that in order to help, we'd have to be willing to come down to MUSC to pick up the prescription to get us through the week.  No apology necessary!  Check!

2 - Get up to Summerville for Charlie's and my dentist appointments - I know that we need to find a closer dentist, but we like ours and love our hygienist, so we traipse back up to S'ville every 6 months.  I was just going to trust that somehow two 6 year olds would behave while I was in the chair.

• I grabbed a 5 minute shower before Jason left, got the boys dressed and gave them a 30 minute warning.
• Immediately, Lydia, C's caseworker called.  She really wanted to see us today since he was placed over the weekend.  I explained that I had no idea when we'd be home from MUSC, but hopefully by 4:00.  She apologized that she had a 4:00 appointment already, but mentioned that she was in Dorchester this morning.  No apology necessary!  Lydia met us at the doctor's office for a quick overview and sat with C while my teeth were cleaned. Check! Check!

3 - Get lunch -- when one boy hates McDonalds and the other hates Chick-fil-a.

• I compromised with Burger King, planning to go through the drive through.
• 100 yards from the dentist office Charlie announced that he had to go to the bathroom.
• We skipped the drive through, went inside, used the restroom, the boys played while we waited for the food, everyone ate their favorite meal -- even the applesauce and apple juice (we have digestion issues to figure out how to address and naturally as possible) -- and we were back on the road, crowns in place and energy spent.  Check!

4 - Get the prescription - at MUSC. Downtown. On a holiday.  With road blocks.

• Settled the boys in with a Bible movie for the 26 mile ride -- as a reward for their excellent behavior at the dentist and Burger King.
• Miraculously navigated the looooonnnnnng detour to get to Rutledge. 
• Eventually found level 2 of the parking garage after two separate elevator rides.
• Had the lady at the Info desk page our doctor-hero without having to walk over to the other building!
• Prevented the boys from tripping any doctors or patients while they played in the hospital corridor tailor-made for matchbox cars.
• Received the prescription from the doctor - Check!

5 - Get the prescription filled - at Harris Teeter without having called ahead, with two restless boys and a pharmacist on lunch break.

• Found the boys a bench.
• Realized I'd forgotten the insurance card in the car.
• Navigated our way back to the car when one boy would only stop on green tiles and the other only on white.
• Went back to the end of the line.
• Created a customer profile for C with help from the pharmacy tech who apologized for the paperwork and the half hour delay due to the pharmacists lunch.  No apology necessary!  Texted Jason to pick up the prescription on his way home from work and brought the boys home to rest - Check!

6 - Get C's counseling coordinated - that I found out about at the dentist office.

• Hopefully asked Lydia if they would allow us to pursue counseling at the Lowcountry Biblical Counseling Center rather than another source.
• Amazedly, heard her say that that would be fine!
• Called Melissa at LCBCC to explain the situation and hear that they could definitely help.
• Explained that I work at JICS and was hoping that if C does end up attending there, he could do the counseling at JICC on Mondays when they have counselors on-site.  She said she didn't think it would be a problem and would send me a link to the paperwork.  
• Completed the counseling paperwork online to the best of my ability while the boys "rested" (aka spent quality time in their rooms). Check!

6 - Get C a matching outfit to Charlie and his two friends for "twin" day tomorrow at school.

• Gave friends' moms heads up that we might not match after all last Friday.
• Tracked down size 6 carhart overall for under $30 on Saturday, but then C arrived clearly at least a size 7 or 8 and notified me that he hates overalls (thankfully they were in Summerville, so I wasn't going to get them until today).
• Received a text from a mom today apologizing for the change, but letting us know that another classmate is going to join the group who doesn't have overalls, so we're going with black sport pants and a red t-shirt. No apology necessary!  Found Charlie's next size up sport pants and Fun Run shirt in the closet.  Check!

Yes, I'm still overwhelmed.  Yes, the boys have spent quite a bit of time bickering.  Yes, Charlie got car sick in the parking garage.  Yes, they both had to spend 45 minutes playing alone in their rooms when we got home to grant us all a bit of sanity.

But today has been a wonderful day!  I have never in my life been aware of so many people graciously helping me out -- all the while thinking they were inconveniencing me!  

I have had mixed feelings about posting our updates on Facebook-- it just seems to be broadcasting our lives a bit much -- but I knew we needed prayer to get through this.  

And now I know without a doubt that friends and family have been interceding for us constantly.  We are so grateful to anyone who may be reading this and has been or will be praying.  I will most likely not continue posting links on Facebook, but I will keep the blog running for our sake and for anyone who is interested in a candid and emotional look at one foster care family.  

Please keep praying!  We still have dinner, bathtime, bedtime, getting everyone up and out of here by 7:25 tomorrow morning, shadowing at JICS...

Rejoice always, 

pray without ceasing, 

give thanks in all circumstances; 

for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

(I Thessalonians 5:16-18)

Progress

Today has not been easy and I did weep through most of the songs in church this morning, so overwhelmed and unsure of....everything.

That said, today has been  much better than yesterday, much, much, much, much.  We had a nice breakfast here at home and both boys survived the entire church service -- despite my silent weeping.

We have had more than our fair share of shouting and fighting (between the boys), and C has had a few very sad moments when the change is clearly becoming real, but they have bonded over remote control cars and paper airplanes -- and to be honest fight quite a bit more fairly than my sister and I did 30 years ago.

So we just might make it.  

In the wee hours of this morning I realized that if it decreases my stress level to forgo my LCBCC classes for the online option this semester, to allow myself to consider respite when Jason goes to Daytona and to accept the fact that after Tuesday I might be miss work for most or all of the rest of the week figuring out medication and schooling, then those things can just fall by the wayside.  If I can be loving and joyful and at rest for the three boys in my house by giving up a few commitments, the world will keep turning -- God has that part under control.  All I can control is my attitude.

And now a quick word about the Bible verses I add to each entry.  These are not meant to encourage or edify anyone reading this or even to add a theological point to my random rants...they are the promises that I rest on to get me through.  At times during this journey they have been getting me through to the next step or the next phone call.  At this point they are getting me through to bedtime.

And to be fair, I love this next song...but in all honesty, as it played in the car on our way home from an "eventful" dinner at mom's this evening, the highlighted parts are what spoke to me -- not their object.  Thankfully, God has a sense of humor, and I believe uses mine and Jason's to draw us closer together and get us through.  Cheers!

I see the work of Your Hands

Galaxies spin in a Heavenly dance oh God

All that You are is so overwhelming

I hear the sound of Your Voice

All at once it’s a gentle and thundering noise oh God

All that You are is so overwhelming

I delight myself in You

Captivated by Your beauty

I’m overwhelmed, I’m overwhelmed by You

God, I run into Your arms

Unashamed because of mercy

I’m overwhelmed, I’m overwhelmed by You

I know the power of Your Cross

Forgiven and free forever You’ll be my God

All that You’ve done is so overwhelming

I delight myself in You

In the Glory of Your Presence

I’m overwhelmed, I’m overwhelmed by You

God, I run into Your arms

Unashamed because of mercy

I’m overwhelmed, I’m overwhelmed by You

You are Beautiful, You are Beautiful

Oh God, there is no one more Beautiful

You are Beautiful, God you are the most Beautiful

You are Wonderful, You are Wonderful

Oh God, there is no one more Wonderful

You are Wonderful, God You are the most Wonderful

You are Glorious, You are Glorious

Oh God, there is no one more Glorious

You are Glorious, God you are the most Glorious

Overwhelmed - Big Daddy Weave

Humbled

We truly had no idea how easy we had had it up until now.  I'm not sure if it was the kids themselves, our expectations or just the fact that at most we had 6 days ahead of us and now we have 90...but today has been hard.

The fact that in the upheaval of the morning his previous foster parents forgot to give C his meds may or may not pay a very significant role -- I desperately hope that it is a key factor and that tomorrow is better.

All of the behaviors described to us by the caseworker and previous parents (defiance, refusal to pick up after himself, etc) sounded like normal and correctable boy behavior (at least normal in our house), but it's nothing like we expected.  It truly feels as if our words don't even get through to him.

As of right now, I can't imagine that he'll be able to go to JICS -- I think his needs may be much greater than our school can meet.  Based on how things go tomorrow and Monday with his normal medication, we do still plan to let him shadow on Tuesday -- I guess in the hopes that a school environment and fabulous teacher will help, but I find myself mentally preparing for a few months of multiple schools.

Charlie seems to be doing quite well with it all.  C is definitely fun to play with (slackline, nerf guns, skateboards, etc -- all at full tilt), but the moments of defiance are confusing to him.

Training prepared us for it to be hard.  Other foster parents told us that it would be hard.  Bair counseled us how to handle the hard times.  And in all fairness, nothing has reached the point of us considering calling the On-Call number for help... I guess I really just didn't understand the scope of "hard" until now or the feeling of helplessness that comes from knowing we are only 6 hours into a 3 or more month commitment.

"I can do all things through him who strengthens me."

(Philippians 4:13)

Background

So C isn't here yet.  We've all been up since before 7:00 preparing and waiting...and waiting...and waiting...

His current foster mom just called, though.  She got off work at 7:00 like expected, but had a rough shift and now she's doing some of his laundry, so I guess he'll be here mid afternoon?

Anyway, she did give me quite a bit of background:

• C was supposed to go home to his dad January 6, but his dad didn't complete the court ordered classes, so the next court date will be early April.  
• He has been in his current home since January 22 last year and bonded strongly with his foster mom (likely because he never knew his real mom), but never well with his foster father.  When their new baby was born in October and C didn't go home last week, it was just time for a change for the sake of their marriage.  His foster mom is having a very hard time with this.
• Our trial weekend turned into full time because DSS found out that C and his 8 year old foster sister got into a fight a few days ago.  No one saw how it started, but between the two of them there was a black eye, a bloody lip and scratches, so he has to move immediately.
• He is destructive with toys and has a hard time following directions.
• He is behind in school.
• He is very upset about the change.

Waiting for anything is a struggle for me, but right now I find myself caught between cherishing our last couple of hours of the known and wanting to dive in and get through the initial transition.  For one of the first times in my life I am realizing just how little I truly know about what will happen in a few hours, much less tomorrow, next week or next month...

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.  For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."

(Isaiah  55:8-9)

The Real Deal

It's no longer temporary.  C got in a fight with his 8 year old foster brother today and the family decided that it would be best to make the transition all at once, so when he arrives tomorrow morning, he'll stay for at least 3 months -- his father's next court date.

Our initial plan was wait for a permanent placement (foster to adopt).  Then respite came along and seemed like a perfect fit.  Now we are diving into the deep end.

As always, God's timing is perfect -- the three day weekend will give us time to settle in a bit and make a plan.

Right now Jason's and my biggest debate is what to do about school.  C is currently in first grade in Monck's Corner, so logistically we won't be able to let him stay there.  Our hope is to bring him to JICS with Charlie and me, but we're not sure if it will work or not.

Since both boys are in first grade, they would be in the same class.  Jason and I are going to try to evaluate their dynamic over the weekend to see if that is doable, then C will shadow on Tuesday and Mrs Babb will do an assessment.  Obviously, since we chose JICS for Charlie we think it is the best school around, so we would love for C to come here, but we're not sure if it would be best for him.

It appears that his father may live close to Jason's work, in which case it might be feasible for us to put him back in the school he was in before foster care and will eventually go home to.  But if we do that, he will definitely have to spend a lot of time in the car and likely quite a bit in extended care each day waiting for me to come pick him up.

So over the next few days we'll be weighing the value of continuity vs. being at JICS, the value of us all being together vs. the boys not being in the same class...and so much more.  My head hurts just thinking about it...but I trust that between the school's recommendation, getting to know the boy behind the story and lots of prayer, we'll make the right decision.

"If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, 

who gives generously to all without reproach, 

and it will be given him."

(James 1:5)

Long Term

Bair called.  C is a 6 year old boy (tons of those in the foster care system, by the way!) whose foster family just had a new baby and is overwhelmed.  His father is completing anger management courses but has a few to go and no real eta for completion.

As it stands he's going to come over Saturday morning and stay through Sunday to try us out -- he's very attached to his current foster family.  If it works out, we'll change his school and move him in until his father completes his classes.

More to come, but please pray!

Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.

(Hebrews 11:1)

The Verdict

The guardian ad litem just called.  Court is done.  A's grandaddy is on the way to pick him up right now.  And I got to be the one to tell him!

At risk of sounding completely self-centered (because obviously, our role is tiny in the course of A's life), I can't help but be a tiny bit grateful for Monday and Tuesday's tantrums at school (though I pray that going home to Grandaddy will put a quick end to them).

Had Monday's not happened, A wouldn't have come to us.

Had Tuesday's not happened, A would have been at school right now.

If we continue down the path we are on, boys and girls will be in and out of our house for possibly years to come.  Many of them will leave with us having no idea where they end up or if they are loved.

It is a precious gift to not only know that this dear, sweet boy is going to a loving, Godly home -- but to witness the light in A's eyes when I told him and soon their reunion hug is an honor I will need to remember in all the uncertain transitions ahead.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, 

plans for welfare and not for evil, 

to give you a future and a hope.

(Jeremiah 29:11)

Amazing...

As I was typing the Bible verse at the end of my last post A's guardian ad litem called. She is certain that he will go home with his grandfather tomorrow.

"Grandaddy" is the one he spends weekends with and goes to church with.  Grandaddy is planning to enroll him in the school by his home in North Charleston.  Per the guardian, he is a wonderfully responsible, caring man.  The delays to the process were purely process, nothing to do with his desire for A or suitability.

We will miss him -- such highs and lows even during so short a time bring people so close.

If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, 

ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.

John 15:7

Suspended

I was feeling pretty confident this morning when I left A's school.  I'd sat down with the principal and school counselor and explained to them a bit about what's going on in his life, how well behaved he is for us, and that the next 48 hours were going to be huge for him.

I thought I had won a tacit compromise that they'd help him get through the next couple days, and then go from there.  Apparently, they were only willing to compromise so far...

Jason called around 3:00 to let me know that when he picked up A he'd been notified that he was Suspended.  

Jason got all the details, but I asked A in person what happened when Charlie and I got home from piano and he told me, "I got angry."

According to his teacher: "A asked to play with dominoes during writing. I asked him to work on writing for 2 minutes and once he completed that he would be able to play with the dominoes. He responded by kicking his desk, throwing pencils at me, tapping other students on the head, throwing all the books out of the reading center, trying to run out of the classroom door, picking up chairs trying to throw them, and screaming."

So...while his response wasn't very detailed, it was at least accurate.

Obviously his behavior was inexcusable, but for a little boy who's been taken out of his own home, moved from foster home to hospital to foster home to foster home to foster home to foster home, back and forth with and without his siblings, overheard his apathetic caseworker tell someone that he's going "home" January 6th (when in reality he may be going to live with his grandfather) it's not surprising.

His consequence is going to be braving the DMV with me tomorrow (I have to go after 10 am so they can call the El Paso probate court in order to change the title on my car, and since I won't be at work, now is the time).  If that's not a severe enough punishment, I don't really know what is.

And then I guess we just see what happens in court.  It's shocking to realize this sweet boy's whole future may rest on the decision of one man tomorrow.

Thankfully, though I have no idea what will happen tomorrow or in the days and years to come...Someone does.

Remember the former things of old;

for I am God, and there is no other;

I am God, and there is none like me,

declaring the end from the beginning

and from ancient times things not yet done,

saying, "My counsel shall stand,

and I will accomplish all my purpose.

Isaiah 46:9-10

Ups and Downs already...

A has been here approximately 10 minutes and so far...

• His foster parents didn't send his clothes
• His DSS caseworker left his backpack at school
• I found out I have to go to a parent-teacher conference at 7:30 tomorrow morning in North Charleston because he hit a girl in class today

but

• He and Charlie are thrilled to see each other
• He is bright eyed and smiling
• One of the first things he said to me was..."I missed Charlie's Dad"

Fear not, for I am with you;

be not dismayed, for I am your God;

I will strengthen you, I will help you,

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

(Isaiah 41:10)

An Old Friend

Jason got a call last Thursday evening (New Year's Eve) that DSS had put out an APB to place a 6 year old boy who was in a foster home in which there had been allegations of physical discipline. The duration would be 60 to 90 days.

We said yes, but by the time Bair called DSS back, someone else had agreed to take him.

Justice just called.  The six year old boy is A -- who was with us in December, and he's not getting along with the family he was placed with on Thursday, so he should be here within the hour.

It could be for two days (per DSS they've located and approved his grandfather) or it could be 60, 90 or more days (per Justice, nothing is ever definite).

For God gave us a spirit not of fear, but of power and of love and of self-control.

(II Timothy 1:7)