Uncertainty...

Foster care is teaching me a lot of different things about God, family, Jason, Charlie, and most startlingly, myself.  I have always known that I like to feel in "control", but I really had no idea how important it was to me.

In approximately five hours we will be getting either one or two children for respite this weekend -- we don't know for sure yet.  We know their names, but nothing else.  We're taking them camping, but don't know if they like the outdoors or will have warm enough clothes or sleep well at night or will get along with Charlie.  We are planning two fun, peaceful days at the park but don't know if they have allergies or fears.  We have camp meals planned but don't know what they eat.  We are trying to track down at least one spare bike but don't know if they ride bikes.

Most importantly, we don't know why they are in foster care -- what they've been through, what they fear, what they remember, what they hope for.

I don't like that.  I am realizing that I not only value, but idolize timeliness and lists and plans and menus and habit and tradition and knowing.

Thankfully, I do know that God created me.  He works all things for good.  Jason loves me.  Charlie is our heart.  I guess beyond that I will just have to trust, and lest I feel like I deserve more certainty, I always have Paul to put me in my place...

"...asking that somehow by God's will I may now at last succeed..."

(Romans 1:10)