Different

This weekend has been quite different than our other two respite experiences.  From the first moment, Charlie and B have not really hit it off -- no animosity or drama, just nothing in common.

It took us a while to figure it out, but despite the fact that B is the same height as Charlie, he just turned five a month ago!  Looking at him, we were all expecting him to behave like a six-year-old, but in reality he's much closer to four than six!  Between his size and the fact that he is very advanced for his age, we didn't put it all together until Saturday sometime, but that really helped us understand why the two boys had little in common.

That said, it has been a good weekend.  B has really seemed to enjoy going camping with us, and while things have been different he is a sweet boy.

At any point this weekend when I might have regretted making such a big change for our annual trip, I've reminded myself that this is the only way foster parents can get any time away.  The foster care system doesn't allow them to use friends or neighbors or family members to babysit unless those people have gone through a foster-care specific background check.

For a lot of these moms (and I say moms, because in our limited experience it seems that most foster parents are single moms), respite care is the only way they can get care for their children outside of school or daycare.  How much do I and other moms take for granted the hour or two here or there that these women just don't get?!?!

This truth has been a good reminder for me when I've been struck by how different our annual Festival of Lights camping trip has been this year.  In fact, I'm starting to wonder if perhaps this will be our family's primary purpose for the time being -- to offer fun and family-filled weekends to these children whose foster mother's truly need to rest and recharge in order to continue raising these children day in and day out.

Of course, when I finally got a hold of B's foster mom this afternoon she didn't ask how he was doing and hesitated to pin down any sort of time when she might make it to our house to pick him up, instead focusing on her long drive and the fact that our home isn't very convenient to her.  That was certainly unexpected.  After a weekend women's retreat in the mountains my fairy tale heart had expected her to be excited and rejuvenated and rushing back to B.

There is far more to life that I don't understand than that I do...

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.

(Proverbs 3:5)

Uncertainty...

Foster care is teaching me a lot of different things about God, family, Jason, Charlie, and most startlingly, myself.  I have always known that I like to feel in "control", but I really had no idea how important it was to me.

In approximately five hours we will be getting either one or two children for respite this weekend -- we don't know for sure yet.  We know their names, but nothing else.  We're taking them camping, but don't know if they like the outdoors or will have warm enough clothes or sleep well at night or will get along with Charlie.  We are planning two fun, peaceful days at the park but don't know if they have allergies or fears.  We have camp meals planned but don't know what they eat.  We are trying to track down at least one spare bike but don't know if they ride bikes.

Most importantly, we don't know why they are in foster care -- what they've been through, what they fear, what they remember, what they hope for.

I don't like that.  I am realizing that I not only value, but idolize timeliness and lists and plans and menus and habit and tradition and knowing.

Thankfully, I do know that God created me.  He works all things for good.  Jason loves me.  Charlie is our heart.  I guess beyond that I will just have to trust, and lest I feel like I deserve more certainty, I always have Paul to put me in my place...

"...asking that somehow by God's will I may now at last succeed..."

(Romans 1:10)

Nothing...then something...

Last Friday we got a call while we were on the way to the fair...for a placement.  Not a respite, but an actual placement.

C is a 5 year old boy who has been malnourished and is somewhere on the autism spectrum.  We thought maybe this was finally the one.  Justice called DSS back to clarify how a child could be both "non-verbal" and "verbally aggressive" (as his filed stated) and express our interest, but they never called back.  We had hoped to maybe hear something Monday morning when DSS offices opened up again, but no.

We have found out that this means that they likely went on to another agency as soon as they gave the referral to Bair.

I hope that they found a good home for C, but I also selfishly worry hat future placements may slip through our hands in the same way...

Thankfully, we have a respite to cheer us up.  This weekend B, another 5 year old boy, will be joining us on our annual camping trip to James Island County Park for the Christmas lights.  B has an older sister with anxiety issues, so they are working to find her someone who can come to her foster home to watch her, because they think that being away from her own home will be too hard.  I hope that being away from his sister isn't too hard on B.  I hope that he enjoys the weekend.  I hope...

The Lord takes pleasure in those who fear Him,

in those who hope in His steadfast love.

(Psalm 147:11)