Since L & J last summer we have had at least a dozen calls, been conflict free for at least half and for every single one the child has either been placed by the time we called back or the respite has been cancelled at the last minute. After no placement for seven months, my mind was overflowing with memories from our two bad situations and could barely summon any memories from the eight good stays we'd had.
Plus, A was to be our first "Medically Fragile" placement. Therapeutic Foster care has two primary sides -- the children with diagnoses (typically ADD, ADHD, Separation Anxiety, etc) and medicated for those and the children with serious illnesses or conditions. Our previous ten placements had all been diagnoses, so this was a whole new world.
A is a 7 year old girl with Angelmans Syndrome, which is caused by an abnormality on chromosome 15. She looks like an average 7 year old girl, but is nonverbal, struggles to walk, has limited body control, needs very little sleep, and struggles to get it. The write-ups also say that she has the mental capacity of a toddler -- but we believe A is much more advanced than anyone can tell.
In the days leading up to her placement, I was terrified and silently hoping this would be yet another false start. Thankfully last week was extraordinarily busy for me, so I didn't have much time to worry.
Friday morning I realized that should I need to take care of Jason or Charlie as if they were a baby, I would do it without pause because I love them, so I prayed that God would give me love for A. I asked my Moms in Prayer group to pray that God would give me love for A. I asked my friend Becky to pray that God would give me love for A.
Just after 6:00 Friday evening, I glanced through the front window and saw A's foster mom walking her to the door while I was cleaning up a minor mashed potato mess, so Charlie answered the bell. As I walked up behind him, I caught a glimpse of A's smiling face as her uncooperative body struggled to climb the stairs, and I was filled with love for her. For her smile. For her dimple. For her beautiful face. For her effort. For her struggle. God met me right where I was and showered me with mercy and grace and love.
A has an awesome stroller, so she and I spent Saturday out and about in the glorious weather. We walked to the Wappoo Ramp for a quick hello with the boys as they set off fishing. We walked to Grandma's for a long chat. We walked to the store for a crinkly toy. We walked almost all the way back to the store from almost all the way home after we dropped our crinkly toy...in total we walked around 9 miles. It was wonderful.
God had already taken a frightening situation and shown me it's blessing, but about 4 miles into our walk, He shattered many of my preconceived notions about service and love and obedience and purpose...
As I was pushing A away from the ramp and deciding which direction to head next, I suddenly understood that what I had wanted to refuse wasn't a weekend of hard work and trial taking care of a little girl with special needs. I had come unspeakably close to passing up an entire day dedicated to loving God. A day with no other purpose, no other commitment, no other interruption and no other priority than loving God. All day. In words. In actions. In miles.
What I saw as a chore He had given me as a gift -- and through His grace alone, I didn't succumb to my desire to say no.
Sunday morning at the end of church we took A up front and asked some members of the prayer team to pray that wherever she ends up it will be in a home filled with the gospel -- God's love and truth. He has already blessed her with a joy and peace that humble everyone she meets when we compare her abilities with ours -- but as I told Charlie, A is absolutely perfect. God doesn't make mistakes, and while she may not be what we consider "normal," she is exactly who God created her to be. And her greatest need is the very same as ours -- Him.
"If you love Me, you will keep my commandments."
John 14:15
