Just What I Needed

My Caller ID showed that Bair was calling right after I got to work this morning, but the school phone was ringing at the same time, so I had to let it go to voicemail.

Then this and that happened, so it was a full hour before I could check my voicemail -- during which time I was able to email with Jason and we decided that we are up for respite this weekend but not next, etc, etc.

Well, when I went to check my voicemail it wouldn't work.  It says "the Verizon customer you are trying to reach is unavailable".  Well, I naturally escalated that issue to Jason and just called Bair directly.

They connected me to Z's case manager, so I assumed we'd get him to come stay again sometime soon, but it's even better!  Z is having a birthday party next Saturday and he wants Charlie to come!

Nothing could have lifted my spirits more than this.

May the hope of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, 

so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.

(Romans 15:13)

Exactly a Year

October 29, 2014

Thank you for your interest in N. Her adoption specialist is CH. You may contact her at x@dss.sc.gov for more information.


which led to a phone call during which we found out the only way to adopt an "older child" (non-infant) in SC, is through foster care... Four days later we attended a foster care information session at our church.


November 3, 2014

Dear Jennifer,
Thanks so much for reaching out to The Bair Foundation for more information on becoming a Foster Parent! We are excited to speak with you more. A packet of information will be put in the mail within 48 hours...

Sincerely, 
The Bair Foundation


which led to lots of prayer, documentation, home visits, etc...


August 3, 2015

Jennifer,
Hope you had a wonderful vacation and glad to hear you are home safe and sound.
Your packet has been approved by the licensing agent! Her supervisor just has to sign the final license. We should be getting the e-mail with your license any day now, but we know that you are approved! Praise the Lord! We will keep praying now that He will lead and guide as we look for a child to be placed in your home.

Congratulations!

GK
Electronic Records Trainer
Foster Care Secretary 
The Bair Foundation


which was followed by a couple of difficult phone calls and our two wonderful respite visits. Between which I went back out to the DSS website where we had first found N.  She was back, as well as a little four year old boy (Charlie's hope).


October 5, 2015

J,

I have a somewhat strange question...

A year ago when we first started to consider adoption, I sawa little girl on the DSS website and just fell in love.  It was actually through an inquiry on her that I found out that to adopt "older" children in SC you needed to go through the foster system, which ultimately led us to Bair --which has been a tremendous blessing.

The little girl's name is N, and of course I knew almost nothing about her.  Long before we were licensed, she was gone from the website, but over the past year plus I have thought of her often and have been praying for her.

We have had such a wonderful experience with T this weekend and will miss him dearly, and I already told L, but we would definitely like to be first on the list should he ever need additional respite care.  But, this evening for the first time in a long time I looked at the DSS site again -- and N is back, still listed as needing a forever home.

I know this isn't how any of this works, but do you all know anything about N?  Her case # is SCS-0000xxxxxx.  

That said, I also notice that there is a 4 year old little boy on the site named J who is also in need of a forever family. His case # is SCS-000xxxxxx.

I trust that God will bring us whatever child He has planned for us, but  with N having been on my heart for over a year and Charlie hoping for a 4 year old little brother, I just couldn't resist asking if you all knew anything about either of these children?  If either is being placed through Bair?

Thanks,
Jason & Jenny

October 7, 2015

Good afternoon,

I am so glad that you had a good first experience doing respite care with T. I saw him at the office yesterday briefly and it was great to see him smiling and more open in regards to communication which I attribute to his positive interactions with families like your own. Thank you so much for your willingness to do that respite.

The two children that you referenced in regards to the DSS Adoptions site might not be/ have been referred to The Bair Foundation if they are considered 'Basic' level children. That simply means that they do not have a diagnosis and therefore would not fall into the therapeutic category, which is our focus here. We typically do not receive a call for the basic level children unless they are part of a sibling group where one is therapeutic and in that case we try our best to keep the sibling group together.

Unfortunately I do not have any additional information to provide you about N or J as my contacts at DSS are mainly with Foster Care Services and not on the Adoptions side. Please let me know if you ever have any other questions and I will be glad to try and answer them for you.

JL
Intake Coordinator
The Bair Foundation


October 18, 2015

Dear Jason Batliner Jennifer Batliner, 
Thank you for your inquiry about the children waiting for adoption in South Carolina. A representative from the regional adoption office will contact you to give you information about the adoption process here in South Carolina. Again, thank you for your interest in our children and for choosing adoption as an option to expand your family.

Please do not reply to this email, no one monitors this address.
Best Regards,
SC Seedlings


October 26, 2015

Your message to x@dss.sc.gov couldn't be delivered.

C.Q wasn't found at dss.sc.gov and I would like to thank you for your interest in adopting N. If you would like to be considered as a potential adoptive resource, please have your worker send me a copy of your approved adoptive study by email to: x@dss.sc.gov  Thank you again for you interest in our adoption program and your willingness to make a difference in the lives of our children. JP Adoption Specialist SCDSS Region I Adoption Services and J, Thank you so much for getting back to me.  Before I contact Bair (the agency through whom we're licensed), do I need to ask them to make any special notations or take additional steps since N isn't one of their cases?  We just want to be sure to do everything correctly. Thanks! Jenny Batliner and G, Thank you!  He did, and we have not picked up a book yet.  I will try to do that in the next day or two -- and will bring in or he will email the Auto Insurance.  Do you all just need a copy of the little card he carries in his glove box? Also, this is kind of a long story, but almost exactly a year ago we found a little girl on the DSS website.  Through our inquiries regarding her, we were actually led to foster care and Bair, realizing and hoping that she would be permanently placed long before we were licensed, which appeared to be true.  Surprisingly, though, N reappeared on the site just a couple weeks ago -- still in need of a forever home. I contacted J a couple weeks ago, but he didn't have any information since N has not been referred to Bair for placement.  After some additional prayer, I went ahead and submitted a second inquiry online, but didn't hear anything for over a week.  Finally today, I sent an email to the lady who contacted us back a year ago, and I just received a note from another lady within DSS with very little information, but requesting that we have you all send her a copy of our approved adoptive study by email to: x@dss.sc.gov . I feel like we are circumventing the Bair processes and placements, and that is definitely not our desire.  We truly love working with you all, but N has been on my heart and in my prayers since October 2014, and I just need to do everything I can to make sure/find out that she is in a safe, loving home -if at all possible. Would you be the one to send our study to Ms P?  If so, is there anything else you need from me? Thanks! Jenny and Jennifer, Yes, all I need is a copy of the card. Regarding N, they cannot use the home study that we did because ours is for fostering only. However, do you have any other information regarding her? Do you know if she is a foster-to-adopt child or if she is therapeutic? If so, there is a possibility that we could help to get her placed in your home as a foster child with the plan to adopt her. Just let us know any information you have on her. Thanks, GK Electronic Records Trainer Foster Care Secretary The Bair Foundation and G, I really don't know any more about N than is on the DSS website (I've attached a screen shot).  It doesn't really say regarding foster to adopt or not, and doesn't mention anything about being therapeutic, either, I'm afraid.  Her Case # is SCS #00000xxxx. Any direction you can provide would be great! And I will be by tomorrow or Wed with the insurance and to borrow a book. Thanks! Jenny October 27, 2015 Ms. Batliner, I am no longer the adoption specialist on this case, however I have forwarded your email to N’s current Adoption Specialist JP and her supervisor CC. Thank you, CH Adoption Supervisor Region I Adoptions and Ms H, Thank you so much for getting back to me!  Ms P actually emailed me yesterday morning.  I have given her information to our contact at Bair (GK). G was initially concerned that since we are licensed to foster to adopt through them, our home study may not work.  I sent her N's case number and write-up, though, and she was going to try to look into whether or not N would be eligible for foster to adopt.  I am hoping that she contacted J yesterday at some point, but right now just waiting to hear. Thank you again! Jenny and Good afternoon, I just wanted to let you know that I've reached out to DSS Region III Adoptions to find out more in regards to N and will be in contact with you once I have a response.    Respectfully, JL, MCJ Intake Coordinator The Bair Foundation October 29, 2015 Good Morning, Ms Batliner,                  I wanted to inform you that at this time I have not receive contact from GK and I will be out of the office from October 30, 2015 through November 09, 2015. JP Adoption Specialist SCDSS Region I Adoption Services and Ms P, Thank you so much for letting me know!  I have no idea what happened. Jason actually spoke to J at Bair yesterday morning and he mentioned that he had made some calls.  I reached out to them as soon as I got your email and copied you.  I truly hope that they get the information to you before you leave town -- and also that you have a wonderful vacation. :) Do you happen to know if the fact that our home study was for foster to adopt, rather than straight adoption will be a hindrance in this situation? Thanks! Jenny and G & J, Please see below.  Is there any way we can get our info to JP today -- even though it's a Foster to Adopt home study rather than the other?  She will be out of the office tomorrow through November 9. Jenny and Jennifer, I just called JP and left her a voicemail. I will try to help with anything that I can, however, I did find out that it is against Bair's policy to give out the home study that we completed. If there is anything else that I can help her with I will be more than happy to assist her. GK Electronic Records Trainer Foster Care Secretary The Bair Foundation and Ms P, Now knowing Bair's policy regarding the home study -- is there anything we can do?  We are licensed to foster to adopt through the state -- and I can provide that license number as soon as I get home this afternoon, but I am hoping we're not stuck without the home study? Jenny and, finally Mr. and Mrs. Batliner,                 At the moment I am talking with G from Bair Foundation. She informed me that you are license for foster care and do not have an approved adoptive home study but wish to adopt. We did talk about your child factor check list that you have filled out for your foster care license to see if it could potential be a match with N. After discussing the factors that you have indicated, we believe that N would not be a match with your family due to the severity of her needs. I do wish you well on your pursue of adoption and encourage you to complete an adoptive home study, which you can get started by calling Heartfelt Calling at 888-828-3555.    JP Adoption Specialist SCDSS Region I Adoption Services By today I was fairly convinced that the whole last year had been a long process to adopt the little girl who kicked off our journey.  I completely bought in to the worldly drama of it being "exactly one year".   Even now I'm feeling very torn.  Why isn't she a fit?  Is it really a bad fit?  Should we be asking more questions?  Should we be pushing?  Should we throw out our parameters altogether for the little face whose been in my prayers for a year. But my prayer has always been that she find the loving, safe, Christian home that God intends for her.   Much prayer went into selecting as broad of parameters as we could and still feel that Charlie is protected and that whatever child God brings us would be a good fit for us. I guess now I will just continue to pray that N finds a loving, safe, Christian home, but start to pray that if our parameters are wrong and our effort to have a good fit is leading to disobedience, God will set us straight. And I've had to remind myself that this wasn't all for nothing.  I have to remember that when we started down this road a year ago we didn't think N would join our family because we hopefully assumed she would find a home much sooner.  We didn't do this to bring her home.  We've done all this for T and for Z and for all the other children God will bring us...I just have to figure out how to remember that.

Dynamic...

This new (albeit temporary) dynamic of having two six-year-old boys instead of one is quite interesting -- and I'm guessing the fact that they are both incredibly imaginative and strong willed is making it even more so.

This morning at 6:14, it was bliss.  I heard each of them open his door and use the restroom, then they graciously disappeared up to the playroom for almost an hour!  A Saturday morning in bed until 7:00 is a miracle around here.

Of course, the tears and screams every time one of them hits the others car with his or picks up the toy the first was thinking of picking up is less blissful.  But on the flipside, the hour it just took them to clean up the mess they made in Charlie's room motivated me to vacuum and polish the appliance -- things I never would have done on a Saturday afternoon if it were just Charlie and me.

I'm starting to see that while moms of multiple children (at least wild boys) spend inordinate amounts of time talking them down to a level calm enough to resolve their many spats, they also have fits and starts of time of forced productivity -- you can't exactly crash on the couch and watch Dateline when they're running the house on a rainy afternoon, but you also don't have to provide entertainment.

One minute I feel like a "normal" Saturday sounds so nice and peaceful and the next I'm enjoying the sounds of wild giggles and the gleam of stainless steel.  It's all very interesting...

Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit; and there are varieties of service, but the same Lord; and there are varieties of activities, but it is the same God who empowers them all in everyone.

(I Corinthians 12:4-6)

Heartbreak and Joy

Last night in the car...

Z: My daddy's name is Jason, too.
C: Really?  Where is he?
Z: He's dead.
C: Silence
Z: He went to prison.
C: What did he do?
Mom: Freaking out!  What do I say?  How do I change the subject? Charlie Bear, sometimes we don't know why things happen.
Z: Long pause.  Probably for fighting with my mom.
C: Oh...
At this point I threw in some nonsense about that's why we tell children not to fight, blah, blah, blah... I definitely need to figure out how to handle these probing, difficult conversations...

-----

This afternoon at school...

C: Mom, the question of the day today is "are you the oldest in your family?" And I said "No!" because while Z is here, I'm not!

Mom: Again, more nonsense from me, glowing with joy for my sweet boy, I'm sure it made little if any sense.  And I thought I was a fairly good communicator!

Eaves Dropping...

Z: Mr Jason said...
C: Z, you know, you can call my dad, "Daddy" while you're here.  I think that might make him really happy.
Silence
C: So what are you going to call him?
Mommy: Buddy, he can call Daddy whatever makes him comfortable, "Mr Jason" or  "Daddy".  He doesn't have to decide toni--
Z: quietly I know what I'm going to call him.  "Daddy."  What about your mom?  What should I call her?
C: Oh, her.  You can call her anything, "Miss Jenny," "Miss Jen," "Miss Jennifer" or "Mom".
Z: "Miss Jen"??
C: Yeah.  So are you going to go with "Mom and Dad"?
Z: Yeah.  "Mom and Dad"

So far, so good...

Z has been here for approximately 7 minutes...  After Charlie quizzed him on whether or not he believes in Jesus, eats beans and likes firetrucks...

C: "You're the best brother!  You know, we're not just friends.  While you're staying here, we're part-time brothers."
Z: Ok!

And off they ran...

Out of the mouth of babies and infants, 

you have established strength because of your foes,

to still the enemy and the avenger.

(Psalm 8:2)

Round 2

When my caller ID showed Bair yesterday afternoon I assumed it was some sort of follow-up on T's paperwork (as in...I'd made some sort of mistake), so imagine my surprise when another case worker asked me if we could take Z for the weekend!

Z is a 6 year old boy in care here in West Ashley whose foster mom is going on her once yearly trip with her girlfriends.  In foster care, you cannot have friends/family watch your children unless they have gone through the process of being approved, so kids go to respite in these situations.

My first instinct was to say, "no."  After all, we had dropped T off less than a day before!  Then it occurred to me that though our family is small, we manage to fill up virtually every weekend, so since we had the availability this weekend...

Thankfully upon texting Jason, he felt exactly the same way.  There are no words for how grateful I am that moment by moment we have been on the very same page ever since May.  We definitely reached the ultimate decision to foster at different paces, and I was actually struggling with that difference last Spring.  Then one evening we went to an event at the James Island Yacht Club with some friends and ran into a couple from church.

Once we learned that they had just come back from cruising the great loop (Jason's dream), we were fast friends, and through the course of conversation I shared my desire to be on the same page.  She prayed for that very thing at that very moment amidst all the hubbub of the yacht club, and ever since Jason and I have been right in step.  It's amazing!

So, yesterday's phone call is where the rubber met the road for both of us.  We had to decide if we were really committed to being obedient and walking the walk or if we were going to let ourselves rest on one good weekend.  And honestly, for me at least, it wasn't an easy decision.  Forty-eight hours is a quicker turnaround than I had ever expected...or wanted.

But in God's great plan, he gave us T who slept on top of the comforter under a blanket all last weekend (no idea why...but I don't have to change the sheets!  woohoo!), so it's more than doable.

Z should arrive this evening around 4:30 and we get to keep him until Tuesday morning. Having two six year olds for six days is definitely going to be an experience, and I'm trying not to dread it.  I've realized recently that that is one of my greatest sins.  In order to set myself up to not be disappointed, I assume things are going to go badly, then I can pat myself on the back when they don't.  Oh ME of little faith!

Z has been in foster care for years and landed there due to neglect, unlike T who was only 2 weeks in and landed there due to teenage angst.
Z is 6, T is 16.
Z will have to go to school, T stayed during the flood.
It will be a vastly different weekend, but I trust that God's plan is still perfect, and His blessing will be just as great -- albeit different.

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, 

which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

(Ephesians 2:10)

"I want to keep him"

...said Charlie -- voicing my inner thoughts.

T has only been with us since Thursday evening, and compared to our household, is extremely quiet, but we couldn't have asked for a better fostering experience.

We have been blessed with the opportunity to get to know a sweet, funny, respectful, kind boy who loves to play basketball and eat spicy food, is great with kids and doesn't get fidgety or grumpy, even stuck in a stranger's house for 4 days straight!

We really are so tremendously grateful to have had T here the past few days.  Charlie will be distraught tomorrow when we have to take him back to Bair -- and the only thing that will save me from the same (at least I hope), is knowing I can trust that God has placed him with his foster family purposefully, for his and their good.  I will continue to pray for him, and hope that should he ever need respite care we will be top of the list.  Jason is planning to give him his cell phone number in case he ever needs anything.

Our family won't be remembering this weekend as the weekend God sent the great flood to Charleston, but as the weekend God sent T to us.

Even if He were to choose not to place any more children with us, all of the paperwork and planning and training and praying would have been so well worth it for these past four days.

That said, the experience does have us even more convinced that we want our home to be open to more blessings.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, 

"plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and future."

(Jeremiah 29:11)

Not what I expected...

So...this is nuts.  T is quite possibly the most polite 16 year old boy I've ever met, helpful, kind, everything.  He spent yesterday evening and this morning (Rain Day!  Yay!  No School!) playing blocks, hangman, Clue, basketball and I Spy with Charlie, Jason and me.

He went to bed at the end of the Royals game, woke up around 7:30 this morning and politely asked if it was a good time to shower, patiently sat with Charlie in the waiting room while I visited the chiropractor, the list goes on and on.

I know this is only a respite visit and this must be atypical, but it is truly amazing how God is blessing us with such a wonderful weekend.  Clearly we have lots of people praying for us.

Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, 

that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

(Hebrews 4:16)

Today's the Day

T should arrive this evening sometime around 5:00 or so.  It's raining cats and dogs throughout Charleston right now, so traffic may delay him a bit.  Actually though, that might be best.  We're watching the children of some good friends this afternoon, so from 4:30 to 6:30 we're going to have an 11 year old, a 6 year old, a 5 year old, a 3 year old and a 2 year old at our house...

I am hopeful that all the commotion will make T's arrival easier for him -- less awkward silence, being the center of attention, etc.  Plus, mom is bringing over brownies, so that should make everyone happy.

Unfortunately our weekend plans have changed.  With Hurricane Joaquin off the east coast, we're expecting rain straight through Sunday morning, so even though the camper would keep us all dry, it's a bit small to spend all day Saturday and Sunday.  Again, this may be a blessing, though.  Per his caseworker, T was a bit hesitant about the idea of camping.  He'll probably be over the moon when she picks him up from school in a little while and tells him.

Otherwise, everything is moving forward as planned.  I am a bit nervous that T's host family's cruise may be cancelled, but we haven't heard anything.

So crazy to think that today is the day we get to take the giant step from wanting to do something to doing something!

Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.

(I John 3:18)